Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Man Flu

It's not funny . . .well . . .yes it is . . I've touched on this before but at the moment, work is invaded by MAN FLU . . .Sgt Bilko has been off for an unheard of 7 days including the weekend (nothing to do with the wifey poo being in Tuscany of course) and the Argentinian is sitting flushed and sweaty holding back the spittle, while we healthy multi tasking women all duck for cover every time he sneezes, because if he stays home to recover he'll get no quarter apparently in his all female household.

Even overseas it seems the spring air has brought some unwelcome greebies with it and another friend is feeling like his throat is being chopped by a buzz saw. So to all you pathetic sufferers of MAN FLU I have some medical advice. Take drugs! . . .Legal ones of course . . none of this male posturing, take Panadol every 4 hours and gargle with Listerine or similar anti bacterial mouthwash. REST and RESUSCITATE, R & R does not stand for Root and Run . . stop ringing the bell, demanding beef bullion and a shoulder massage, just sleep. Playstation and XBox are not remedies so remove them from the room. Stay away from the sprogs or you'll infect everyone since they're travelling snot boxes at the best of times and put your tissues in a bin not scattered all over the duvet like oversized snowflakes. NO SEX . . if you haven't got the energy to drag your sad flanellette pyjama'd ass downstairs to boil a kettle you can't do the deed. None of this "I'm feeling a bit better now that I have a bullet shaped Vics schnozz capsule stuck up me nose" you're not fooling anyone. And you're a big boy now so there's no bed made on the couch and Vegemite soldier boy comfort food. Chocolate aggravates the throat so it's Chamomile or Mint tea and at the very best a hot whiskey toddy before bed!

I'm sorry you're feeling poorly, really I am because the women you normally love have turned into nursemaids, invalid chef's and babysitters . . .I hope you all get better in the morning!

And this just because I found it looking for the above . . I love an animal conversation:


Nick said...

In our household it's Jenny who makes the fuss. I haven't had a cold for years and when I do I just take masses of vitamin C and carry on. J takes to her bed and demands round the clock attention - drinks, food, tissues, pills, magazines, you name it. Still, she works bloody hard so she's entitled to a bit of self-indulgence occasionally.

Thriftcriminal said...

Hmmm, having had fully diagnosed pneumonia I have a reasonable idea of what constitutes actuallybeing sick. Also me granny was a nurse during WW2, so she'd be quick about telling me there was sod all wrong with me and to get out from under her feet :-) I get a big glass and go to bed and expect no interraction from anyone, certainly no hand and foot waiting.

Brianf said...

Unture all of it!
Now go do some ironing and by the way, what's for dinner?

Terence McDanger said...

Sob. I have a cold and a sore throat and it's spreading to my chest and I'm getting a cough. I have it for a week now. Sob.

Quickroute said...

I guess I'm lucky - I rarely get a serious cold (especially since I've been down to these warmer climes) but when I do, Oh boy its a clanger and I'm usually laid up for a week!

steph said...

Never mind those fellas, Baino

The cats are C-U-T-E! The one on the right is the image of my Dibley (Vicar of) who does enough talking for the two of them!

I talk back to keep her company 'cos her brother's jumped ship to a little old lady with a warmer house than mine :-(

Baino said...

Nick: "Metro" suits you heh! I'm not sure she'd consider a few days in bed as a bit of self-indulgence. Actually I'm a bit of a 'man' myself when it comes to illness but get no quarter in this merciless household.

Thrifty: My mother was a nurse so unless we had a temp or were throwing up it was off to school . . I got more sympathy in the sick bay! I did have chronic tonsilitis until I had the quinsied buggers out at 22 - so spent a lot of time on a couch bed with hot drinks and jelly!

Brianf: Give me time, I haven't finished the washing up yet thanks to that chain you have me tied with at the kitchen sink

Terence: I know you're a bit poorly possum . . YOU TOLD EVERYONE . . .there there now .. a couple of Sudafed and a Vicks projectile up yer nose and you'll be right mate. Don't forget your lip salve.

Quicky: warm weather shouldn't make a difference - we get the snots just as often thanks to sneezy men at work who refuse to go home (I suspect because they'll get no sympathy there either). "Clanger" is very subjective . . . a little snuffle is Man Flu . . Influenza is a clanger!

Steph: Aren't they just? I had a very chatty Burmese once (equally silly name Basil Fawlty) but never replaced her due to the plethora of bird life. I just found that one by accident and imagined them on the foot of some Man Flu victim's bed moaning about his moaning.

Nick said...

Metro? Methinks not. It just sounds like a railway.

Kath Lockett said...

Loved the bit about how a bloke may be crook but he'll try and get his leg over anyhow. Besides, how can one snog properly if the nose is truly blocked - it'd make the spouse's face cave in!