Monday, January 29, 2007

Say What You Mean!

I've always been strong on the communication thing. If you can't make a date, are not feeling well, have something that needs to be discussed - then discuss it. Honesty is the best policy, bring it out into the open. But there's something about most men that distracts them from very basic levels of communication.

I have a friend who's coming to Sydney this week. Announces that he'd like to catch up and I get all excited, then nothing. The last quick MSN communctation was "I'll get back to you this afternoon . . " that was 4 days ago so what am I to make of this. He's changed his mind, he's not coming, he doesn't care enough to respond in the affirmative or the negative? No, I suspect he's simply distracted - something came up or it's just too hard to organise things.

Then there's Horrie, ClareBear's new interest. Feeling throaty and unwell on Tuesday and Wednesday and sends her a quick message saying he's not good and resting up before a big game in Tas on 29th. Fair enough. She goes to the Big Day Out on Thursday - messages that she misses him - nothing. She goes away for the weekend while he prepares for a major sporting event but is out of range so no communication over the long weekend - OK that can't be helped but by Sunday, she's back in Sydney and still nothing . . . is he dropping her unceremoniously through his lack of communication, this is very contrary to what he's telling her when they're together. Does the coach have a no phones on tour philosophy? or maybe he's just an uber focussed elite sportsman. Who knows . . . then finally, after messages and unanswered calls, he tell her he's sorry, he's been in hospital in Tassie and hasn't had the chance to let her know. Really? Even Shane Warne managed to msg everywoman and her dog during numerous Ashes tours.

The effect of this mucking around leads us of the female gender, wondering what the hell is going on? Are we high maintenance because we want to know detail or maintain contact? Are we demanding bitches because we think that replying to an email or message or phone call is the polite thing to do? I think not baby puppies.

I don't believe it's that these and numerous other guys don't care, I just think the power of distraction is huge and they have absolutely no idea the effect it has on those around them. Is it selfishness or lack of opportunity? Nup, simply a different operating system. They're hard wired to play games, remain mysterious, reject commitment of any kind - very unsatisfying chaps! If you can't follow through then shut up. Don't build expectations then just fizzle. We can put up with all sorts of silliness but not being direct, sending mixed messages and communicating poorly in the words of Winston Churchill "is something up with which we shall not put."


The BenchWarmer said...

I'm glad you said "most" men and not "all men. I don't think you can apply this rule nilly-willy to the entire gender.

It is unfortunate that many people have this complete fear of confronting any situation, but then again, there are some of us out there who try to ALWAYS be upfront, honest, and straight to the point, and more often than not, it gets us into trouble.

Women want both communication and clarity, yet want somebody to know when NOT to say something inappropriately or out of place.

Ya can't have it both ways ya see!

Nell said...

Ah bless. You my darling are probably the only man I have EVER met who in fact sometimes overcommunicates. Trust me I was thinking of you with my kind exception. You're right, we constantly expect men to think like us . . .when will we learn. And for the record . . . I like it both ways!