Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Venus

Tuesday night is my dread night. The kids are out. The TV is horrendous. I've flicked between Dancing with the Stars on Channel 10, CSI on Channel 7, Terrorist Tuesday on SBS which might have been worth watching if it wasn't for the interference as a legacy of our spring storms and ABC is playing The Bill. Ok I went shallow and settled for the Aussie version of Dancing with the Stars which poses 'celebrities'(dubious use of the word), poncing about in sparkly outfits, shaking ther maraccas and getting their Bon Bon on or off whatever! Tonight was Bollywood night . . God awful. Pretty ballroom dancers in skimpy Indianesque outfits and men who would rather be having a beer with the boys. But . . in the ad breaks, loads of skin care, cosmetics, fashion . . .so it got me thinking . . what do men like? I hear a lot of you referring to women as dogs, eggs and other derogatory comments but really are you so into looks that you fall for Maybelline's glistening lilps which looked so greasy that the chick would simply slide off your face and as if you'd go out with anyone wearing 'don't take home to mother' purple. Kate Moss is an imaciated freckle face who does a great impersonation of a cheap dry cleaner's coat hanger, Megan Gale . . now a real woman but does look a bit like a horse. Rich coming from the tubby mummy I know, but do you blokes like these women with fabulous Pantene hair and glistening lips with beautifully separated eyelashes or are you all looking at their complete lack of tits? What on earth appeals to you. The ads tonight confirmed to me that women do this tortuous stuff to themselves to compete with other women. And since I'm no longer competing, I find it really funny. I have frizzy hair, hate greasy lips, OK I'm partial to a nice Estee Lauder mascara and a bit of bronzer but . . .I just don't get it. Who's hot? Who's not. If I was a man . . .I'd be picking: Scarlet Johansen, pouty and pretty with flawless skin. Kate Blanchette, the sophisticated man's muse. Amy Lee from Evanesence for the Goth beauty . . . Lauren Bacall for the older set . . . so what gets you going guys, lips, eyelashes, blush, boobs or bums . . fishnets and suspenders or Bridget Jones big knickers . . . flanny jim jams or sauce neglege's . . . tarty leather or flouncy frills. If I was a man . . and I hasten to say I am not, this woman would capture my interest as pure, virtuous, natural selection kind of way, she's designed for all the things a woman personifies:


Although I see myself more like this . . .
Ah delusion is a comforting feeling.

14 comments:

Daz said...

Now you hold on a sec there, the Egg System of Classification is just a way of rating a woman and being able to speak openly about it without getting dirty looks from all and sundry.

Women are just as incisive and shallow as men; cursory eavesdropping will show that most young women couldn't give a toss about what a guy is like, as long as 'oh my God, he's so fine'. So genders in glass houses ...

What turns me on?
Intelligence. And Goth women.

But not emos, mind.

Terence McDanger said...

Y'see I knew we'd get along Baino. http://moo-dog.blogspot.com/2007/02/lovely-girls-3.html

She was the third one I picked for my occasional 'lovely girls' series. First choices were Natalie Imbruglia and second was Rachel Weisz. I haven't picked number four yet but I'm having fun thinking about them. Alot.

Jefferson Davis said...

OMG...LOL...Hilarious post, Baino. Amy Lee is gorgeous, but there's quite a few suicide girls that are freaking awesome. :)

I agree with Daz, women are as shallow as men. :)

P.S.: Sorry for not commenting in such a long time, but you know why.

Jefferson Davis said...

Ah, I forgot to say that the "Venus of Willendorf" (Upper Paleolithic period) was on my exam last night. You see, men back in the day had it right, stressing the importance of breast and hips! I kid... :)

Seriously, that's weird that you'd discuss it, and I'd have a test on it. :) Wonders never cease...

Baino said...

Daz: You been eavesdropping on the bus again? So, you like the pale and interesting and you're a good egg.

TM: I've been reading . . . you too have a penchant for the pale and the dark methinks.

JD: What a deep psychic connection we share! Spooky! Did you know that the original had pointy feet so she couldn't stand in her own right, she was meant to be 'held' not just looked at. Awwww . .

Ryan said...

Mischa Barton - all time number one.

Elisha Cuthbert - a close second.

A natural face and complexion, a decent set of knockers and a talent in the kitchen will do me. Simple tastes, but hey.

Clare & Jem's Excellent Adventures said...

I'm with you on Scarlet Johanson, I'm also a bit of a fan of Mila Jovovich. Wish I could look that good in a cocktail dress and army boots...

Baino said...

Ryan: Mischa Barton is another emaciated frecklefest that you wouldn't look twice at without her hair and makeup stylist. I'll buy you a ball and chain for Christmas . . all you have to do is find Mrs Right

Clare&Jem: Not to mention bringing sexy back to bandages!

Brianf said...

Gina Gershon

Anonymous said...

I'll heep that delusion of you Baino!

Hhehheheeee

Anonymous said...

I meant "keep"! Too much pavalova ...

Baino said...

Anon: You're a spoiled brat! Pavlova on you're birfday . . hope you had a good one. I'm still working out whether you're in NSW or Queensland. Mmmm . .curiosity is aroused.

Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

What men want... take a look at old Oedipus and I think that's got it all summed up - mommies they can shag (like crazed weasels).

Anonymous said...

I have Pavlova EVERY year! OH NO, Baino isn't Bird stalking is she!?! I'm in Sydney you Birdbrain! Hheheee.