Tuesday night is my dread night. The kids are out. The TV is horrendous. I've flicked between Dancing with the Stars on Channel 10, CSI on Channel 7, Terrorist Tuesday on SBS which might have been worth watching if it wasn't for the interference as a legacy of our spring storms and ABC is playing The Bill. Ok I went shallow and settled for the Aussie version of Dancing with the Stars which poses 'celebrities'(dubious use of the word), poncing about in sparkly outfits, shaking ther maraccas and getting their Bon Bon on or off whatever! Tonight was Bollywood night . . God awful. Pretty ballroom dancers in skimpy Indianesque outfits and men who would rather be having a beer with the boys. But . . in the ad breaks, loads of skin care, cosmetics, fashion . . .so it got me thinking . . what do men like? I hear a lot of you referring to women as dogs, eggs and other derogatory comments but really are you so into looks that you fall for Maybelline's glistening lilps which looked so greasy that the chick would simply slide off your face and as if you'd go out with anyone wearing 'don't take home to mother' purple. Kate Moss is an imaciated freckle face who does a great impersonation of a cheap dry cleaner's coat hanger, Megan Gale . . now a real woman but does look a bit like a horse. Rich coming from the tubby mummy I know, but do you blokes like these women with fabulous Pantene hair and glistening lips with beautifully separated eyelashes or are you all looking at their complete lack of tits? What on earth appeals to you. The ads tonight confirmed to me that women do this tortuous stuff to themselves to compete with other women. And since I'm no longer competing, I find it really funny. I have frizzy hair, hate greasy lips, OK I'm partial to a nice Estee Lauder mascara and a bit of bronzer but . . .I just don't get it. Who's hot? Who's not. If I was a man . . .I'd be picking: Scarlet Johansen, pouty and pretty with flawless skin. Kate Blanchette, the sophisticated man's muse. Amy Lee from Evanesence for the Goth beauty . . . Lauren Bacall for the older set . . . so what gets you going guys, lips, eyelashes, blush, boobs or bums . . fishnets and suspenders or Bridget Jones big knickers . . . flanny jim jams or sauce neglege's . . . tarty leather or flouncy frills. If I was a man . . and I hasten to say I am not, this woman would capture my interest as pure, virtuous, natural selection kind of way, she's designed for all the things a woman personifies:
Although I see myself more like this . . .
Ah delusion is a comforting feeling.