Sunday, May 06, 2007

An Epiphany

I've just come back from my weekly battle at the supermarket and taking ThePrincess for a walk. It's a beautiful autumn day, about 26 degrees, the sun is shining and I'm exhausted. It's probably only the third time I've worn the running shoes I bought last winter! Having this time to think, whilst she sniffed every blade of grass, chased the ducks, and sploshed around in the pond at the end of the street, I've actually managed to make an 'affirmation'. I'm overweight, as serial substance abuser, quite lonely and something has to be done. I've been relying on selling the property as the panacea for all my ills as it will provide me with significant financial independence and allow me to do the things I really want to do - travel, go to the theatre, refurbish a home . . .take on a hobby or two and even semi-retire.

Four years down the track and developers are conspicuous by their absence despite loads of building activity on our perimeter and the only offers we've had have not met the mark so do I wait, get more and more bored and unhealthy or is it time to seriously tackle the problem? It's a no brainer. I have a sedentary job, I'm physically lazy because exercise is hard and I drink too much. Because I drink, I also smoke too much. At my age, this is just ridiculous. I don't smoke at all at work. I don't even think about it but in the evening, once I get home, it's nothing to knock off a bottle of wine and half a packet of cigarettes. I've realised that at $12 a packet, plus the cost of even the cheapest wine, I'm squandering about $500 a month or more and that's a conservative estimate. No wonder I'm constantly short of cash? I'm also getting more lonely and morose as the kids are now leading a life of their own and I'm left to my own devices more and more with little left over cash to entertain or get out and about doing the things I love. But this now is going to end. Tomorrow, I'm going to begin eating breakfast and get the old metabolism firing. I'm not a big eater so my body is in a constant state of 'famine' conserving energy and resisting weight loss. My evening drinky poos are also packing on the sugar and the fact that I have given up my before-work-walks with Lily is also a big contributor and even she is looking depressed at not having the opportunity for a run in the morning.

So, this is it . . .I'm not yet fit enough to join ClareBear at the Gym and winter is approaching so it's a good time to tackle the issue in the cool. I dread another summer where I feel breathless and lacking in energy when the mercury rises. I want to go to the beach and not hide under an umbrella, I want to wear a pair of shorts and a strappy top to show off my tan. I want to go into a shop and buy something that fits first time and looks fabulous. Most of all, I want to 'feel' better. I want to banish this lethargy and have the energy to take up an interest that doesn't rely on family or friends, something solitary and rewarding . . . I'm not saying I won't drink the odd glass on the weekend and I'm not going cold turkey on the cigs . . . but the current rate of imbibing and puffery has to stop. My excuses have now dissipated and I have no reason for being the sloth I have become. There's a bottle of Bollinger chilling in the fridge. This will be my swan song.

Tomorrow . . . the health kick begins . . . wish me luck!


K8 said...

Ah, I'm sorry you're all bummed out. I with you the best of luck with the health kick. May you enjoy it and reap many benefits.

Baino said...

mmm . . thanks for the encouragement. Tea makes me wee! I'd kill for a chardy.