Thursday, May 03, 2007

Road Rage

Only in the past few years have normally polite Australian drivers become infected with that world wide phenomenan 'road rage'. I myself have given the finger to a number of drivers for inconsiderate practices. Even on my short trip to work each morning I run the gamut of greedy lane mergerers and pushy bus drivers, mid-intersection traffic blockers and butt throwing smokers. And this morning . . . a cleaner had parked in my designated spot . . .that's part of my salary package thank you and you can move your little shit box toot sweet! Which he reluctantly did, pretending that he didn't understand a word I said.

Here are some moray's that need to be obeyed particularly on my route which is Wrights Road, Green Road, Showground Road and Old Castle Hill Road.

  • Do not beep me when I'm stopped, giving way to cars on a roundabout. You're supposed to!
  • Do not try to push in when I allow a single car to merge. If each car lets one car in, the traffic keeps flowing
  • Do not tailgate me or I'll drop down to 30kms an hour, sit on my breaks and hold you up. I don't mind arriving late!
  • Don't block the bloody intersection when I'm turning right you twit, it leaves me in limbo and the lights change before I can make the turn.
  • Don't flick your cigarette butt out of the window. We're a dry continent and you'll start a fire you dickhead 18 something with your windows down and the doof-doof making the bonnet vibrate.
  • I know you have right of way - but buses . . . use your fucking mirrors. If I'm up near the driver, give me time to move ahead rather than trying to barge arse me out of the way. \
  • Do not steal the car park space I have stalked two shoppers for. I will not tolerate such arrogance. I will get out and shout at you.
  • If you're a friggin' cleaner in my building you do not have a designated car space so stay out of mine (and don't pretend you don't speak English!)
  • Stop at Zebra crossings - pedestrians have right of way
  • If you're a small asian person in a Land Cruiser, get a booster seat so you can see over the dashboard
  • If you hear a siren, pull over to the left dipshits. I've actually been in an ambulance that has been gridlocked and it's incredibly selfish and dangerous. Let them do their job.
  • Police - don't random breath test at 8:00 on a Tuesday morning. It causes mayhem. This is the Bible belt for Christ's sake, who drinks on a Tuesay evening in this neighbourhood other than me!
  • Check your mirrors . . . motorbikes ALWAYS sit in your blind spot so look over your shoulder too.
  • Stop talking on your mobile phone, you're careening all over the road

And remember, I drive a 14 year old car and I don't give a shit if you ding me . . .I will hold my own as if it was a bleedin' hummer! Thank you to the nice truckie who let me in this morning just before I was squished onto the median strip by a school bus. Yer a champ!


Brianf said...

Don't even get me started on traffic!! i may have to do a post about it myself.
"Stop at Zebra crossings" WTF?
We don't have Wallaby crossings here and if we did I bet there wouldn't be many Wallabys crossing the street anyways. Come to think of it we don't have Siberian Tiger crossings either but we do have Duck Crossing, Deer X-ing, Snake crossing, Geese crossing and I've seen both Alligator and Armadillo crossing signs.

Baino said...

Very funny . . .
pedestrian crossing then . . .

Was it Oscar Wilde who said "Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit?" Maybe so but aint it fun!

K8 said...

Amen sister to all of the above!!! We have signs here that say 'Heavy Plant Crossing'. It makes me imagine big trees lifting their roots like petticoats and trotting across the road...