Secrets and Lies

Aha . . but which is which (self-indulgent slurry that I am):

I once spent time in a maximum security cell
I've ridden an elephant
I went to four primary schools and 3 high schools in two countries
I have a crush on someone I've never met
I've never lived further than 20 kms from my maternal/paternal home
I once had the holiday of a lifetime in Tahiti
I only brush my teeth once a day
I'm allergic to depilatory cream
I can hold a wee for up to 14 hours
I never brush my hair
I like the feeling of picking my nose
I only own 4 pairs of shoes
I can't leave the house without straightening the towels and making the bed
I drove a Police Range Rover down the M1 in England without a licence
I have a fear of being burned to death
I can't stand being called 'Ma' or 'Mrs B'
I have a crush on someone I've met but can never have
I can't boil an egg so the white is hard and the centre is dippy
I was zapped by an electric stingray
I've dated an Ice Cream Man who's van played Greensleeves
I've never jaywalked
I've shoplifted
I can drive a tractor
I spent six weeks on a ship and travelled 12,000 miles
I assembled a coffee table, dining table, eight chairs and two bureaus of Ikea furniture in one night
My favourite colours are blue and yellow
I've never lied about my age
I've never been asked for proof of age
I once managed to start my car, many times, by hitting the starter motor with my shoe
I once had a large spider on my sun viser so got out and left my car by the side of the road
I can't program a DVD player
I capsised a catamaran then righted it and sailed home
I'm not keen on chocolate
I've been down a coal mine
I can roll my tongue - it's genetic
I'm learning Spanish
I've rowed a Waka (Maori War Canoe)
I've walked through a glacier
I can't stand margarine
I hate having my feet tickled

The truth is stranger than fiction . . .