Friday, October 31, 2008

Friday Fuckwit

Jessica and Stephen Whyte, were victims of an early trick rather than treat when they realised they had been served poo, cleverly disguised in a Chocolate Ice Sunday at Sydney's popular Coogee Bay Hotel.

Apparently, Stephen and Jessica were watching the recent NRL Grand Final with friends and family and the music was a little too loud in this rather 'young' and noisy pub. They asked staff to turn the TV down and were offered free dessert by way of apology. Two families say staff served them ice-cream laced with poo. Staff are denying it but testing has proved there was faecal matter in their ice cream. Who put it there is still a point of contention . . .

Two sides to every story:

I wonder was it:

"Excuse me, but would you mind awfully turning down that lovely background music just a little as the NRL game is getting very exciting and we'd love to be able to hear the commentator while we finish our delicious meal?"

or more . . .
"Oi! We're troyin' teh watch the friggin' game and can't hear a bloody thing over that techno racket yous dish pigs are playin'? Turn the friggin boom box down!"

. . and Gelatogate was born!

Like one of life's great mysteries, the Coogee Bay Hotel saga is embroiled in a conundrum: What came first - the poo or the gelato? The NSW Food Authority yesterday revealed laboratory tests proved excrement was indeed at the centre of the napkin used by Jessica Whyte to spit out the tainted gelato. (Go on, you're all going eeeeuuuuwww - she actually ate some!)

Bay hotel has tested the gelato and it's come up squeaky clean . . . so somewhere between the kitchen and the table, the gelato has met with misadventure!

"The Coogee Bay Hotel has never disputed the substance "The real question remains - where did it come from?" say staffers.

"Further DNA analysis by the Authority will now be conducted to determine if the sample is of human or animal origin," Mr Macdonald said. "That test will take up to a week to complete.
"Obviously, we are keeping an open mind and do not want to pre-empt this investigation."

So tonight's Friday Fuckwit the is yet to be discovered, but sure as eggs, someone who put poo in a client's knicker bocker glories!

So when those little Halloweenies knock on your door tonight asking for a Trick or Treat . . . you'd better have your lollipops ready . . . revenge can be . . . well shit frankly!


Annie Ha said...

I saw that news story earlier and totally thought of you!

Babysis said...

Guess the Shit really hit the fan when they had it tested!

What a little shit that person was that put that excrement in the gelato!

Man that really gives me the shits when people play their music too loud!

Ok I guess enough said - Happy Halloween!!! My little trick or treaters will be home any minute with a bag full of treats - they've gone as "A Dead Kid" and "Bloody Mary"....sweet little darlings!

Miles McClagan said...

I still think it's a scam (the shit will hit the scam so to speak) after my knowledge of this

If it's not a scam...well...god know what's in a Golden Gaytime...

Nick said...

Well, if the story's genuine, it's disgusting. But I can't believe any employee would actually do something so revolting unless they had been seriously abused and mistreated. A request to turn down the TV doesn't come into that category. I await developments.

Oh and I expect your packet of treats by midnight tonight, Baino sweetie, or there'll be severe repercussions.

Ces said...

That is why I don't like eating at restaurants where I cannot see how they prepapred the food. Food handlers don't wash their hands. They drool and sweat on your food. The chef dips his hands on the flour bin to relieve his chafing crotch, then rearranges the food for presentation. Now they shit on on food? Oh V-O-M-I-T !!!

Today is our departmental lunch for Information Systems Week celebration. Thank you for this appetizer, err I mean dessert. VOMIT!

Baino said...

Thanks Annie, whenever you think of Poo, you think of me? I feel so speshal So wherever I am, there's always Pooh, There's always Pooh and Me."What would I do?" I said to Pooh, "If it wasn't for you," and Pooh said: "True,It isn't much fun for One, but Two, Can stick together, says Pooh, says he. "That's how it is," says Pooh.

(I know that's not quite what you meant!)

Babysis . . .I've never been game to complain to loudly lest someone spit in my soup! But this is going a little too far . . .

Haha 'the shit hit the scam' . . eggsellent. Ah I so love Snopes and am oft quoted as a Killjoy for pointing out the obvious when I get those dopey emails about women being accosted in carparks by perfume vendors! Ah stop now! Dogs eat their own poo, can't be all bad!

Nick, like many news stories, we'll probably never find out exactly what happened. The family look very 'sus' if you know what I mean and Coogee Bay is defo a young people's pub. If it's true, I suspect there was good cause. Some customers are simply asking for it! And the desert was 'demanded' as compensation for the music drowning out a footy game.
You'll have to wait until December but I'll defo take you and Jenny to to Chocolate by the Bald Man while you're in Sydney. My idea of vegetarian food! No poo I promise! (God I hope you're not vegans)

Aww sorry Ces . . .I'm a bit like that too, I like the 'bistro' style restaurants where you can see what the chefs are doing and I like to 'know' what's in the food I eat. I'm not 'fussy' per se just like to know it's been prepared somewhere clean and what the ingredients are. Then I never tell the waiter whether I liked the meal or not until it's over. I'm sorry I put you off your lunch . . I didn't did I?

Baino said...

Babysis - haha sorry missed the irony of not liking people who play their music too loud. We're playing Slip Knot at 11 on Guitar Hero!

Ces said...

I don't like loud music either, like a fiesta-style decibel and those metal bands. I leave a party when they have screeching music. Last week my neighbor played Mexican music in his driveway for the entire block to hear. I was drawing in the carport and started getting irritated but they don't speak English and their doorbell is broken. So I played music in full volume - Shirley Bassey, Blondie, Steely Dan, Ella Fitzgerald, did not work. Then I played Schubert's Peer Gynt Suite, Handel's Water Music, Strauss's Vienna Waltz, still did not work. So I finally played Orf's Carmina Burana. That worked. Thank God, he got it and turned off his fiesta music. I was afraid my neighbors would complain but they knew what I was up to and they came over and laughed. I was afraid I had to play Berloiz's requiem, even I can't handle that.

Bimbimbie said...

Now I've forgot what I was going to say - just read what Ces did to her neighbours lol I like Carmina Burana I'd have asked her to turn it up louder.

Could have been a friend of one of the staff who decided to add the trimmings ...

Nick said...

Chocolate by the Bald Man? Most intriguing. We'll look forward to that. No we're not vegans, no worries there. We'd miss our cheese too much!

Grannymar said...

I was never keen on chocolate ice cream, now I will never be able to look at it without thinking of this story!

Bear Naked said...

Well after reading this I know today I will have no problem sticking to my diet plan.

Happy Halloween to all.

Bear((( )))

kj said...

i cannot read this, baino. i could not venture past the first sentence. yuk yuk yuk.


Ropi said...

Do you mean poo as faeces? Pfuj... I just ate. :P

Terence McDanger said...

Ha ha read that yesterday and I knew there's be something on here about it soon!

They do say that if you ever work in a restaurant kitchen, you'll never eat out again.

TCL said...

Ces - excellent! Carmina Burana. The dirtiest music in history.

baino - All I can say is WOW! But the challenge of a waiter/waitress going to a discreet corner of the kitchen to pinch that out. That's a lot of work and it's simply dirty.

Anonymous said...

Hmmm.... I can just see the hooded villain sitting squat like over a Sundae bowl giving it the ole circular hip gyrations to give it that authentic whippy look!

The Phantom Faecal Flinger strikes again! Mwah hah hah!

Moon said...

Sorry, but I did laugh !!!

Nasty, nasty business though just never know what goes on in a kitchen, I am sure you would never eat out again if you knew ...

Maybe Gordon Ramsey needs a visit ?

English Mum said...

Ew ew ew ew ewwwww!

I'm with Granny - never eating chocolate ice cream ever again!

Megan said...


laughingwolf said...


as for this NOT happening, i've seen hidden camera footage from various 'kitchens' depicting stuff as bad, if not worse :(

laughingwolf said...

furgot: HAPPY HALLOWE'EN, or SAMHAIN, as the case may be :D

Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

Oh blergh, bletch, blarh! Urgh. I suppose this takes spitting in the soup to new levels and it will probably now not be the last such stupid, and frankly incredibly dangerous, incident - assuming it's true... I've had a gut full of friday fuckwits, clearly Halloween has addled peoples' brains.

jay said...

Uuuuggghhhhhh!!! I hope they stuff the culprit's head down a toilet and flush.

Ces said...

As disgusting as this sounds, I would even be more upset if it was a hoax.

Quickroute said...

and I thought my Halloween post was gross - yeuch *Vomit!*

Miladysa said...


Anonymous said...

"Oi! We're troyin' teh watch the friggin' game and can't hear a bloody thing over that techno racket yous dish pigs are playin'? Turn the friggin boom box down!"
Heheheeee! I could hear it as I was reading. Nice one!
And... yuck, how can one do such a thing and expect not to get caught? I mean it's one thing for spit to blend away in soup or coffee. It's another to expect poo not to taste like poo when used as topping on gelato. What the?

Thriftcriminal said...

Sounds like a bad American Pie joke. One assumes it is not a setup, I don't see anyone going that far to con a gaff out of compo?

Baino said...

Ces I'd have gone Nessum Dorma myself! You don't like Mexican music . . .then you can dance on my hat! (actually it's as irritating as German umpapa bands!) My brother got revenge on our guitar hero antics last night by singing very loudly to Shirley Bassey . .we won!
(Peer Gynt was written by Grieg)

Bimbimbie, she's a cack alright! The article said that the Manager said she'd 'delivered' the desserts but when the CCTV was reviewed it was another staff member - smacks of conspiracy to me!

Nick, if you like chocolate, it's lubly although you might think twice after this one!

Grannymar, there is ONLY choclolate ice crem, or vanilla ice cream with chocolate!

Sorry Bear . . was a bit disgusting!

Poor kj, first my potty mouth and now poo . .things can only get better!

Ongoing investigation Jay, I doubt we'll ever know what really happened. Ah the good ol Royal Flush!

Ces, I think it might be.

Yes Ropi! I think Poo is a well known term in any language!

McDanger, ignorance is bliss!

TCL, we don't know what KIND of poo yet. DNA testing will reveal all.

Trust you Jack to put it all into pictures for us. With nuts on top!

Moon, I find it a bit incredible actually but great publicity for the Coogee Bay Hotel, you know what they say, bad publicity is good publicity.

EM You know you will . . .might not call it a chocolate fudge sundae but you will eat chocolate ice cream again!

Megan, oh yeah!

Wuffa . . I think we're better off not knowing after your 'mouse in the cheese' post! Halloween's all over for us now . . no trick or treaters last night (not that we'd have heard them over Knighs of Cydonia!)

OOO AV, had a bad day? I'm over to find out!

Yep Jay, a right Royal Flush!

Quickie, I read but didn't have time to comment. Sorry to make you purge yet again!

Miladysa . . exactly.

Gaye, there's more to this than meets the eye. I mean where were they? Surely they didn't have the Final playing in the restaurant . .then we're sports mad so it wouldn't surprise me and they looked like boguns in the press!

Thrifty, something smells rotten alright. I'll keep my eye open for any follow up!

Ces said...

Oh you are just so picky. I knew Edvard Grieg composed Peer Gynt. I think it was because I also played the Ave Maria but that made me sad. Anyway I ended up staying there the whole day drawing. I did not even feed the kids, they had to fend for themselves.

steph said...

Makes you wonder what else they put in our food that may not be quite as discernible as poo.

No wonder many people are reluctant to complain.

Oooh... yuk! It doesn't bear thinking about.