Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Google Is a Slob

My internet has a personality. I'm using my 6 year old Dell which is finally crumbling with the electronic version of Dementia and arthritic slowness. It's one of those lazy get up at 12, stretch and have a coffee, scratch the scrotum, pinch the bum, rearrange the underwear kind of connections. One that asks the little woman what's for breakfast and opens a beer before midday. One that refuses to be rushed and takes it's own jolly time. One that balks at asking for directions and would rather freeze than admit defeat. It's like a rabbit in headlights. It's definitely on a go slow, don't rush me - nag me and I'll just sit on the couch and pick my nose before I'll cooperate with you, pushy biatch!

Until about 4 in the afternoon, it doesn't want to cooperate. Which is very frustrating because I'm on leave and like to log in around lunchtime and catch up but it freezes, hangs as the geeks would say. Firefox sits down and has a nap and I get those "Not Responding" messages.

I've reinstalled Firefox, I've defragged and CC cleaned, Optimised and done all the things I'm supposed to do. Oddly enough I can browse all sites with no problem but it just hates Google. I try to open Reader . . nothink, I try to open Gmail, nothink . . I open Skype and a serious tiff ensues! I really need a new computer because this one has simply got too big for it's hard drive. "Open the pod doors Hal . . ." See, for some reason, it's behaving perfectly at 9:30 at night. Please Father Christmas, if you love me at all, forget the Red India rubber ball and buy me a new 'puter!

Clearly no news tonight . .

19 comments:

Nick said...

Huh, how come your dodgy computer has a male personality? It might just as easily be a female, lying in bed dreaming of perfume and high heels, reading the latest glossy and waiting for the nail polish to dry. Stereotypes, we gottem....

steph said...

Have you tried giving it a good kick?

If that fails, better get out your notepad quick and write that letter to Santa!

Enjoy your leave, Baino!

Maybe your internet connection needs a rest too?

Christopher said...

Enjoy your leave. And it sounds like your computer needs to go.
In my own experience, though, it's more often the techie guys who foul things up. Well, let me rephrase that: there are two types of techies. There's the friendly, knowledgeable, helpful types who are interested in making everything more user-friendly. They're the majority. Then there are the paranoid, change-your-password-arbitrarily-without-telling-you, speak-gibberish-they-know-you-don't-understand types. Even though they're the minority they get a lot more attention, from me anyway. They're the ones I always seem to get when I call customer service. They're the ones who can only answer a question, like, "Why can't I save this file?" by first asking, "Why would you want to do that?" And when they ask me that, my head explodes, which solves the problem, but not in the way I'd like.

Grannymar said...

My puter is on a go slow at times these days. maybe they are in cahoots!

Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

Put it out for the garbage men. It's time is up. Six years is VERY old in computer land. You know like you get dog years, well computers have years too - about 14 years to our one...

Ropi said...

Well sometimes My MSN works when there is no net so I guess my net is full with good intentions.

Quickroute said...

I've had similar problems. Firefox is better then IE but both are memory hogs - you may want to check out the Opera browser as it uses much less system resources.
I've been using googles own Chrome browser for a few weeks now and it's even faster than Opera

Baino said...

Aww sorry Nick I am the stereotype queen. Indeed it may be a woman simply because it's so changeable. Works fine in the evening. Maybe it's a teenager who's partied too hard and needs to sleep until 4pm!

Nah Steph, to old for a swift kick although the computer works fine, it's the internet that's slow, maybe the winter 'rodents' chewed a cable! I'm networked into my brother's ADSL so haven't much of a choice re provider or connection.

Chris, I just sacked an IT provider at work for precisely that problem. Couldn't speak anything other than IT, the solution to everything was to buy something new and the desktop never looked the same when he'd finished fiddling. fortunately, I have a new mob who are pretty good. And lo and behold - they speak English and everyone understands them!

GM, devious little hard drives! Maybe that's the problem!

Yeh I know AV we have a laptop and a Mac as well so it probably should go in the bin! There are just other things to spend money on at the moment.

That's interesting Ropi? Although if there's just a 'little' bandwidth, Skype will work for me too when the net hangs so . .

Quickie, I thought Opera was for Macs? (shows what I know). Yeh, might have a play IE won't work on my old dinosaur for some reason and because (now don't laugh) I don't have Service Pack 2, I can't upgrade to the newer versions. MS no longer supports me WAH! I might download Chrome and see if it improves Google's performance. Odly enough the normal browser is fine, it's when I get into Reader and try to open the blogs I come unstuck!

Megan said...

I like the good kick idea.

laughingwolf said...

blow on the old white hairs in his ear and say you need a new MAC, and nothing else will do ;) lol

Moon said...

How sexist ...... maybe your 'puter' is a woman ?????

kj said...

this would drive me crazy, baino! i'm in and out of my laptop and favorite blogs at all hours of the day and night. my patience quotient is low in this area.

good luck. i hope you are as impulisve as melissa (coo coo)

:)

Baino said...

Megan, tried it. didn't work. there's defo something wrong with my internet connection. I'm on the Mac now and it's working but god awful slow!

Wuffa I'm on the Mac now and it's still slow! I think I'm going to have to suggest babybro finds a new provider (then he might charge me yikes, I'm bludging for free!)

Moon, no woman could be as stubborn as this, it's definitely a bloke digging his heels in!

KJ between sploshing paint everywhere (I am arguably the messiest painter in the world) and my Dell being obstinate, I'm about to kill someting. Coo indeed! Poo more like it (and have you noticed that I have not yet sworn at the fucker! DOH!)

kj said...

ha, i love the way you say the f word. you have a certain rythmic tone...

:)

Bimbimbie said...

Tsup*!* My laptop gets all hot under it's derriere*!*

Ces said...

I did not touch a computer for three days even though I was surrounded by thousands of them with features galore and we also brought our laptops, mobile phones, wifi devices, etc, etc. I was at a Healthcare IT conference attended by 7,000 healthcare IT professionals all over the world including Australia, the Middle East, France, Canada and England to name a few. When my colleague and I passed a cyber cafe with ten idle computers we asked each other if we needed to check our work emails. She replied "No, if I don't have a job when I return, I don't need to check my email." I smiled and we had coffee instead and roamed the gallery for fun tinker toys and pens.

I do need a new computer for my new digital photography hobby and I hope Santa gives you a computer for Christmas or earlier! :)

Miladysa said...

Fingers crossed that Santa Baby delivers ;-D

I have the same problem but am convinced that the fault lies with our provider British Telecom or India Telecom to identify it more accurately.

Sir H bought a new PC a month or so ago and keeps telling me to use that but I hate windows vista or whatever it is.

Does your PC run on paraffin like mine?

laughingwolf said...

hmmm ...you may need to go with a satellite hookup, NOT cheap :(

Baino said...

Bimbimbie yep my little fan goes a flutter in the heat too!

Hello Ms Ces ... such restraint. I think the longest I've gone without logging on is a week! Pathetic.
7000 Health Professionals yikes, well they say they do it bigger in
Texas! Actually all it needed was a new switch. I'm connected to Clare's Apple and my bro's PC and the download speed on the old one was too slow . . working like a charm but you're right, photography takes a heap of memory. I store mine online but it takes a long time to upload the high res pics.

Well Santa's a bit stretched this year Mildaysa so who knows. But it's definitely 'in the works' I think mine as small rodents running on a wheel, certainly sounds like it sometimes!

Wuffa if it's expensive, it can't be done! Maybe I should buy a Lotto ticked!