Tuesday, August 05, 2008

False Charity

I have the blues this week so far. So much so that I'm wondering at what point someone says, "nup this is more than blue, this is depressed." I've been alone pretty much since Friday (except for work but that doesn't count), DrummerBoy has been working, rehearsing, partying as he should and whilst the first two days of solitude are fun and I can waltz around in my anally clean home in the nude if I want, dress in front of the heater without being busted and drink myself into oblivion . . by Tuesday night I'm feeling totally bleagh. (No awww, chin up comments please, I need to be broken out of my malaise with a slap on the face and a splash of cold water - Get a grip girl!) As Notsoanonymous would say "Don't expect sympathy from me . . go bash a boxing bag!" And he's right, I need to thump something . . .but I've lost my gloves!

And before you start with the PMS shit, I'm desexed remember so no need to go waxing moon cycles. Although it may have something to do with my total inability to sleep more than five hour stints at a time, many of those punctuated by a restless shove of the Labrador in order to reclaim my pillow or a hot flush that forces me to divest the duvet only to feel freezing within seconds and lean forward to cover up again. I'm not often bluesy . . but when I am, I get it bad.

I miss my girl to the point that I had a spontaneous teary when I listened to a song by her favourite band and her smell is disappearing from her room which exacted a similar sobby outburst. Four months to go before she's home but who's counting. The weather is annoyingly cold, frosty and horrible in the morning and the evening and absolutely gorgeous during the day when I'm locked inside the office and in no mood to appreciate it. I have $120 to last me until payday on the 15th which has stymied my painting ambitions for a couple of weeks. The IT guy has to go and the Receptionist isn't working out so I'm looking down the barrel of being the bitch from hell and possibly firing two people in one week. I hate that.

The biggest cause of my current state of total pissedoffdom is the fact that I spent the best part of the afternoon with smiling sychophantic reps from our licensee in a marketing meeting where their offer for help simply relied on us committing to a timetable to bring on new clients in one of the worst economic environments in 25 years! It was one of those "we'll tolerate them then go and do our own thing" meetings. We humoured them. It killed me!

The beautifully presented and coiffed late 20 somethings managed to state the bleedin' obvious in terms of marketing to clients, despite being in possession of my fine Marketing plan. . . indulge the bitches I thought . . .at least the partner's won't argue with them because they're young, beautiful and sweet. (That shat me as well . . .show a 55 year old man a pretty girl and their balls drop off - the drooling was palpable).

One of this year's initiatives is to raise money for the Smith Family. Not a bad thing in its own right, indeed, a worthy cause to raise money to educate disadvantaged youth and give them a leg up. As a business, and as staff, we'll embrace and support it wholeheartedly by having a 10,000 steps program (wearing a pedometer during October and getting sponsorship for the number of steps we take over the month). Somehow the charitable intent becomes devalued when they talk about "We could ask the Smith Family to present Thank You certificates to participants" (surely charity does not need to be recognised with a glass engraved plaque that sits on the reception desk saying what superlative philanthropists we are?). The horror on their faces when I said that we'd support the cause but didn't want 'thanking' for it . . .this mob are from the 1970's Amwayesque reward for everything bunch and it shits me to tears. Fucking smiling assassins. (I think I may have said that already).

One, in discussing the initiative, started talking about how the funds raised may be used to finance a holiday 'camp' being organised for such children. Terrific, they deserve a break these kids, many of whom have never seen the sea, let alone a holiday. Besides learning the usual 'trust' skills, having fun in the surf, tutorials on bullying and how not to take a steel bar to your neighbour's knees when he pinches the chromies on your bicycle, they'll also be taught about nutrition and food prep. (Ever seen Jamie Oliver's School Dinners?) To this, one skinny perfectly quaffed marketing guru said "Oh and they even teach the kids how to recognise vegetables and cook healthy meals which really surprised me, fancy not recognising vegetables or knowing how to cook healthy meals?" Stupid twat. . . .even Sgt Bilko could see the anger in my eyes and kicked me under the table for fear I might smite the ignorant and patronising little yuppie vegan for not realising that most very disadvantaged children live on jam sandwiches, chips and fizzy drinks largely because they are cheaper than a fresh salad or broccoli! Apples at the moment are $4.99 a kilo . . .I can buy 4 litres of soft drink for $3.00 . . you poor? You do the math!

The lack of empathy, knowledge or understanding of the lifestyle of the disadvantaged put paid to my opinion that she's a spoiled little North Shore cow who sees the charitable support of the Smith Family as a marketing exercise - such leverage we'll gain from it! It will be plastered all over our offices how magnanimous and charitable we are . . in our newsletters . . .we'll be given pedometers (at what cost?) to count steps . . .couldn't we just give them a smacking great cheque and fuck the marketing?

So excuse the grumps. The only light in my day . . my tax return has been signed and submitted (as has yours ClearBear) and the fact that after this meeting with the smiling assassins, I came home . . . had another cry and have just downed an entire bottle of Rosemount Oak Cask Chardonnay . . . God I wish I could work the PS3, I'd log into CoD and blow the bejeezus out of the enemy! Hey, it'll all be alright tomorrow when the kids come for dinner and I have thrown off my angry haze.

Sorry, I dislike false charity and stupid people.

Clare's band . .my song of the week:


25 comments:

Thriftcriminal said...

Do what I do: fantasise about the fate of these empty vessels when my coup is enventually successful and my army sweeps the land in a victorious wave! Though the Golgafrincham's solution was pretty smooth too.

Quickroute said...

I'm signing up for Thrifty's coup and I have many prime candidates to sent off in a spaceship never to be seen again!

Moon said...

must be the time of year ... come to Newport Beach, kick off your shoes, and walk the beach... and then a cold beer .. on me x

Jay said...

Hmm .. hot flushes at night, and you're not hormonal? Did they leave your ovaries? ;)

You sound very much like me at the moment. Short on patience with idiots, and over emotional about life in general. Me, I'm menopausal, I KNOW what my problem is.

LOL!

Lord save us from perfectly-groomed twenty-something marketing or media studies gurus. Come the revolution ...

Nick said...

Charity giving used as a marketing tool is sickening. Unfortunately it works because many people making a choice between products will impulsively pick the company that's donating to breast cancer research or something suitably heart-tugging. I admire the companies that quietly give thousands of pounds to charity without even announcing the fact.

And yeah, get a grip, woman. Your life's absolutely fine, just a few little local difficulties, that's all.

Ropi said...

Well, maybe you are lonely now but it can pass but the memory of the newest X Files movie will come with me to my coffin. It was a total crap moreover some young girls and boys were making mess being us.

ian said...

Having lurched to the Right in my politics, I would avoid charities that 'do things' for people. The best charity is to create an environment where people do things for themselves ;-)

Have you tried listening to the BBC on the Net - Radio 4 is excellent for soothing the nerves. If I'm really fed up, I listen to the Prairie Home Companion with Garrison Keillor on National Public Radio.

Ernest de Cugnac said...

Jeez baino, sorry you're in the dumps girl, here's a nice French hug for you ((( )))

Baino said...

Haha Thrifty . . you're a tonic. I'm afraid I may well be selected for the B-Ark! I take solace in the fact that ipac work their little touches to the bone, there is NEVER an old Business Development Manager in any of these big companies, they see the light after being worked to the bone and having spent $1000's on black suits and hair do's.

Quicky . . me too if he'll have me . . surely a great Dictator needs a Telephone Hygeinist now and again? I'm handy crawling under desks to fix PC wiring too?

Ah Moon you think? The winter blues perhaps . . .two more months and I'll be whining about the heat! Be careful what you wish for! Visiting bloggers is part of my master plan.

Jay, I had a total hysterectomy last November and was told it would plunge me into raging menopause. It didn't but I do get the odd wave of warmth. Looks like Thrifty has a following (although I already know the Benevolant Dictator of tomorrow's world, he just hasn't finished Uni yet!)

Nick, I do buy the breast cancer stuff. I don't mind that so much because there's no middle man, the donation goes direct to the Cancer Council or the Jane McGrath foundation . . .it's the telemarketers that drive me crazy . . and of course those who seek praise for doing something nice!

Aww Ropi, I thought you were in Greece? Sorry the X Files had such a bad impression . . wash it away with a dose of The Dark Knight! Enjoy your holiday!

True Ian, particularly in Third World situations, show a man how to fish and all that . . . Nup, haven't ventured over to Radio 4 might give it a try if I have a lonely weekend!

Thanks Mr Cugnac but it's a good wake up call I think I need! I'm cool today . . .slept like a baby! Must have been the chardy eh?

Thriftcriminal said...

I have the answer: Hellboy2. Just saw it, it that doesn't cheer you up nuttin will. Course, I was kind of on the elf-dude's side, but anyway...

Jefferson Davis said...

*slap*

Life is tough gurly! Pull yourself out of the uncheerful drool and have a night out with the ladies!

The world is depressing at the moment, which certainly doesn't help matters. Another thing is this lovely 24hr. news media that we are all over sensitised by on a daily basis.

I completely understand loneliness. It's a bitch! But, always remember that you are among friends. Anyone, including myself, should count themselves lucky to be your friend. Besides, you can buzz me anytime on that newfangled device, called Skype.

Cheer up! :)

Baino said...

Thanks Wingnut you're a sweat pea . . needed that slap!I DID buzz you yesterday! You're either offline or on Call Forwarding . . *sigh*

Anonymous said...

Quite what twenty-four hour media has to do with depressive states is beyond me but I'm sure Sky would have something to say about it.

And you know my opinions on this post already ...

Estevez said...

When Oskar Schell* gets heavy boots, he shakes his tambourine and invents solutions to the problems that are worrying him. Do you have a tambourine handy?



*see Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer

Baino said...

Thanks Notso! Indeed I does my little virtual reality check!

Estevez, I have maracas, will they work?

laughingwolf said...

prozac broke my downward spiral....

Baino said...

Gawd Wuffa . . I wouldn't call a few emotional days a year a downward spiral . . .You must have been much worse to be prescribed Prozac.

Trust me. I have 'moments' not prolonged dark days. I've never taken an anti-depressant in my life.

Hope you're bruises are healing nicely!

Babysis said...

I wuv you.....

steph said...

"her smell is disappearing from her room which exacted a similar sobby outburst."

Well, ain't that one lucky girl to have her Mum pining after her smell.

I'll remind you of this when she's been back home for more than a week!

In all seriousness, I do exactly the same when my lad heads off on a long trip but I've never had the balls to admit it!

The anticipation of welcoming a son/daughter home has to be one of the biggest rewards of parenting. Nothing compares. Life would be very dull if we had nothing to pine!

Glad the mood has lifted. Who needs Prozac when you got a blog?

Baino said...

Hello mother of Robin. Yeh, she just dialled in on Skype but the dog's got a tick (in England?) hope it's not that Paralysis type that we get over here . . so she'll be back online in half an hour. I think I may have invested too heavily in my children . .I said I wouldn't but I did. I'm sitting here now, next to Adam who's on the laptop doing tandem disk cleanups . . .hey, shared interests you said? (actually, we just simultaneously typed something then had a drink . . mirror images . .bit scary!)

laughingwolf said...

i was... ex took the three kids from west coat to east, did not see them again for 7 1/2 years!

Baino said...

Wuffa I am exceedingly nosey. Email me . . .

Ropi said...

I will go tomorrow.

katesaid said...

Gah. Bites.

The difference between depression and "just the blues" (or, as we put it, situational dysphoria): three months. Situational unhappiness, brought on by identifiable things in the environment, happens. Depression is when it stretches on longer than it "should" and sticks around after those environmental things go away.

And I've always griped about how much more expensive healthy food is. Both when I was broke and now that I can afford it.

Baino said...

Ropi have a blast! Post some pics on your Facebook page!

Kate yeh, I know. Just the blues I'm generally very even tempered these days. Not blissfully happy, nor woeful . .just a sort of bland in between but I can live with that. I don't know how people cope with prolonged depression.