Friday, August 15, 2008

Friday Fuckwits

A boy surnamed Yang was detained by police in Shangqiu, Henan province last weekend on a charge of colluding with two men to fake his own abduction.

Local police launched an investigation upon receiving a report that Yang's "kidnappers" were demanding a 10,000 yuan ($1,400) ransom. (He wasn't greedy . . reminds me of that line in Austin Powers "

Dr. Evil: I demand the sum... OF 1 MILLION DOLLARS.

Number Two: Don't you think we should ask for *more* than a million dollars? A million dollars isn't exactly a lot of money these days. Virtucon alone makes over 9 billion dollars a year!

Dr. Evil: Really? That's a lot of money.
[pause]
Dr. Evil: Okay then, we hold the world ransom for... One Hundred BILLION DOLARS!

. . .I digress . .

Yang and his accomplices surnamed Zhou and Pan were apprehended upon withdrawing the sum from an ATM. It had been duly transferred into his account by his worried parents.

Yang admitted to conspiring to "kidnap" himself with the intent of extorting money from his parents, because they had refused to buy him a Nintendo Wii. (At least you'd have thunk he'd have the sense to by an XBox 360 or a PS3!)


And another Friday Fuckwit:

I nominate myself. I was driving in heavy homecoming traffic (everyone hits the road at 5pm on a Friday) and a woman had broken down at the Wrights Road lights right at the intersection, as I pulled up about three cars behind her. I felt a pang of "should stop and give her a push", looked over my shoulder, changed lanes and whizzed past. What an asshole! I felt so awful that I went to the bottle shop, bought my chardy and headed back to give her a hand. Fortunately, someone else had already pushed her away from the busy intersection. I hate people who don't stop when someone's in distress . . .GAH! I am evil!




17 comments:

Thriftcriminal said...

Uh-huh. Watch out for the Karma pendulum.

Ah, we all wuss out on that front from time to time. At least someone did sort her out, and you did come back with good intentions.

I'm a Friday Fuckwit too, I am too caught up in the work problem I am solving at the moment, it gives me a buzz to work it out, but it has made me narky as all my energy is going into it. Must chill with sprogs for the weekend, today I will leave work early and have fun with the family instead.

Baino said...

Ha! I was on yours while you were on mine! Yep, all work and no play makes you a Dull Dishy Daddy! As for good intentions . . roads to disaster and all that. She was OK, she had a young fella with her it was just tricky to stop in all the traffic but I felt awful.

Babysis said...

Mr Bigglesworth says you are indeed a nasty girl and must go swimming with sharks with LAY-SERS on their heads!!!!

English Mum said...

Ah Baino, don't beat yourself up. As you say, you know she was safe - and you WANTED to do the right thing which means your heart is in the right place (God, I'm sounding more like my Mother every day) xx

English Mum said...

Actually, I think I might kidnap myself. Hubby won't buy me an ice cream machine.

Annie said...

As English-Mum says, at least you had the decency to realise it and then go back. You could have easily just pushed it to the back of your mind and forgotten about her.

Nice guys ftw.

Melissa said...

Good heavens. All that for a Wii? Oy. I guess I can stop feeling guilty for stealing my parents' car keys so that they wouldn't go out to eat without me. And I passed someone in need the other day, too, and felt guilty. They looked like they had it under control, but I could have stopped to ask. Sigh. Sweet of you to get the bottle and go back though, that counts for something!

moon said...

I love the fact he wasn't too greedy, just enough for a new Wii and a few other small bits .... nice lad...

I have to agree with you, I always stop (if I think it's safe) to help push someone. But, we are off to the Grand Canyon next week-end, I am NOT stopping for any hitch-hikers on the lonely road East !!!

Miladysa said...

Guilts a b*tch...

OMG! Did I say that?! Not very Ladylike of me was it?!!

Megan said...

I got that beat. I actually swore at a car in front of me the other day because he was getting off the road to help someone and was taking way too long to get out of my way.

Eeeeevil.

laughingwolf said...

nice canuckistanian boy, that mike meyers! ;) lol

but yeah, chardy first, push second... after all, we MUST have priorities! :P lol

kj said...

evidence you are a good person, baino, even if it took you a little while. i stopped once when the guy in front of me was having a heart attack. he died peacfully waiting for an ambulance. i've always regretted i did not leave a note for his family...

Ces said...

You are evil. You must now spank yourself, but first dress up like a French maid. Hehe!

Ces said...

Oh! and another thing: I wonder what happened to that baby someone left in our front door several years ago...

Cruella De Ville - HAHAHAHA!

Jay said...

It's a tough call sometimes, and these days can be even tougher when you consider that some scammers actually fake accidents to get people to stop. I stop if I can, and if I can think quickly enough, but if anything looks remotely fishy, I make a note of when and where and call the police - obviously that's only for dangerous situations, they won't come out otherwise.

Anyway, don't beat yourself up. Easy to think in hindsight what you should have done. ;)

Baino said...

Babysis no no nooooo . . not the LAY-SERRRRS!

EM: He's an infidel . .I can pass on chocolate but must admit I likes ice cream. Withdraw all priviledges immediately! He'll never hold out. See, I am evil!

Hey Annie. True that.

Melissa you didn't? Yeh I guess we all assume that 'someone else' will stop and in this case they did. Besides there must have been some boofy blokes that were able to help her.

Moon very polite the Chinese, only asked for what he needed (should have factored in the cost of Mario Kart mind!) Have an axcellend road trip. Clare was quite surprised by the size of the Grand Canyon and enjoyed it immensely!

Mladysa aint it just! Ah alls well that ends well!

Oooh Megan . . another catty one! Now I definitely don't feel alone!

Oh Wuffa I know it sounds awful but it was peak hour traffic and I couldn't really manouvre anywhere but forward to the bottlo! I was really quick and paid cash and flew back, honest!

Oh kj. That's awful. Brave too. I haven't had an occasion to stop at the scene of an accident other than years ago. Just put a blanket round a guy until the ambulance arrived then shot through. He was OK though.

Ces .. 'Spank' Good grief. I feel a bit better now, clearly there are those more evil than I in the blogosphere! Maybe a Dingo ate the baby.

Is that really true or more urban myth. I've 'heard' that it's the case but I think most are genuine. I'd defo suss things out or maybe just make the call and not get involved. Much easier these days with mobile phones. Oh yeah, I have 20/20 hindsight believe me!

laughingwolf said...

jpyl, baino ;)

[just pulling your leg]