Friday, August 01, 2008

Friday Fuckwit

This week's FF is dedicated to the the male of Australia's much loved marsupial monotreme, the Echidna.

Scientists from the University of Tasmania have discovered that echidnas have some unusual mating habits. Associate Professor Nichol says the research team has discovered the males do not always wait for the females to emerge from hibernation before making their move. Brings a whole new meaning to popular Australian foreplay "Are you awake love?"

It may be rude, but it helps beat the competition.

Some echidnas stay in hibernation from January to as late as October. Actually I know some women who could sleep through sex!
At least our female echidnas don't have to put up with stupid pickup lines . . .

  • Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. Yes is the answer.
  • How bout you, me, and privacy?
  • Can I have a picture? ......So I can show Santa EXACTLY what I want for Christmas.
  • Could you please step away from the bar? You're melting all the ice.
  • Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?
  • Do you sleep on your stomach? No? Can I?
  • Hey, do you know what winks and makes love like a tiger? *WINK*
  • I may not be Fred Flintstone but I can make your bed rock!
  • I'd buy you a drink, but I'd be jealous of the straw.
  • Well? Have you saved up enough to take me out yet?
  • Whoops! Sorry, I thought that was a Braille name tag
Ok boys, what's your best pick-up line?


Thriftcriminal said...

Never was one for the chat up lines, too shy me. My boss just read out a good quote:

"Documentation is like sex, when it's good it's very very good, when it's bad it's better than nothing".

Anyway, I reckon the echidnas just woke up too early and wasn't impressed, you know us blokes, he just knows afterwards he'll roll over and get back to sleep again.

Anonymous said...

HAH! Think I've heard the line "Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?" more times than I care to remember! Must be a favourite of theirs ... blah.

Anonymous said...

Smash a piece of ice beside a girl. When she asks what you're doing, reply 'I'm breaking the ice.'

Baino said...

Thrifty you're a brave man to actually admit a known truth. But I have to say, was never turned on by documentation!

Anony you must be a good sort! Never heard that one! Actually, I don't think I've ever had a pick up line pointed in my general direction! Other than 'Are you breathing'.

Not so anonymous . . not bad paduan! (have heard it before tho)What happens when she says "you bastard, you've just wet my new Jimmy Chu's"

Gledwood said...

is that really a marsupial? looks JUST LIKE a common European hedgehog to me..!!

possibly with stronger spikier spikes...%-/

Nick said...

Contrary to the stereotype, I've never rolled over and gone back to sleep. I have difficulty sleeping at the best of times. As for pickup lines, I once met a girl at a party who said she was so scared of all the people she was going to hide in a cupboard. How could I resist that? We went out for almost a year.

Quickroute said...

I could have done with this chat up list back in the day. I was typically tongue tied and blushed like beetroot during my attempts at charm.

Megan said...

I wouldn't want that thing waking me up. No way no how.

Baino said...

Gleds it certainly is . .got a longer nose than a hedgehog, lays eggs and the tiny babies grow in a pouch! (Ouch) Nah, they dont grow their spikes while in there! It has a wicked long tongue and lives largely on termites!

Nick you're full o surprises! One of a kind . . I hope she finally came out of the closet!

Nah Quicky you're better off without these silly lines believe me. I find shyness rather endearing truth be told. Bit like my man, had to chase him hard before he took much notice!

Megan, they're tiny. Smaller than a wascally wabbit. Don't have many in urban areas but I saw one by our creek many years ago. Gloves are required if you're game to pick one up!

Excellent Adventures said...

"Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?" not used on me, but I found it utterly hilarious! Compliment followed by a direct and honest question. More than you get out of most men in a bar!!!

Grannymar said...

Funny, I don't remember chat up lines directed at me.

Jay said...

I"m sure I had something clever to say, but after reading 'wickedly long tongue' it's gone clean out of my head.

Anonymous said...

Reply 'I'm rich and I'm fucking crazy, here's moeny for new ones.'

Melissa said...

LOL! Thank you for the Friday laugh, Baino! Have a super weekend! :) Charlotte saw a photo of the echidna and has added it to her zoo of pets she'd like to have someday. She just doesn't get the "wild animals aren't pets" thing yet ...

Baino said...

ClareBear hush your mouth! I knew you'd have a classic or two. What's your pickup line . . you do the picking up don't you?

Me either Grannymar . . other than "Do I know you from somewhere . . " starts a conversation although I'm beginning to think I have a doppleganger somewhere!

Paduan, you're rich but you're not crazy just a little weird! Come over and be my sugar baby! Do you have any idea what Jimmy Chu's cost!

Gawd Melissa, I hope she couldn't read the heading! Aww bless, I'm sure she'd prefer a roo or a koala!

Kath Lockett said...

Aw, but Echidnas are one of my favourite animals! ,....Maybe he's just trying to ensure that she's not accidentally jabbed by his other prickles??

Worst chat up line ever:
Bloke - How do you like your eggs in the morning
Sheila - unfertilised

Anonymous said...

Now, don't get the wrong idea, but these were only used at the local cattle market when I was single, doing my lounge lizard act and only after the kind of girl that you could definitely not bring home to mother.

'I've lost my phone number, can I borrow yours?'

'Do you have any raisins?'
'OK, how about a date?'

'Do you have a map coz I keep getting lost in your eyes?'

'If you're going to have any regrets in the morning, we can sleep on til the afternoon.'

And for when things aren't going to well after the initial chat up.

'Well, I would screw your brains out but it looks like someone beat me to it.'

And finally,

'I may not be the best looking bloke here, but I'm the only one talking to you.'

Excellent Adventures said...

Haha! Jackmcmad - you've thought a little too hard about these line haven't you??

Baino said...

I dunno Kath, not sure about something that poos, wees and lays and egg out of the same hole . .oh hang on . .that would be a chicken!

Jack, I love the way you pop up out of the blue. Wish you still blogged. I would expect nothing less from a man who's brother-in-law is called Emptyhead! Classic lines!

Clare he used to blog. Now can't be arsed. Shame, he's a funny fucker! What I want to know is if any of these actually work? Now shouldn't you be mucking out stables? Pick de poo, pick de poo, gwan you lovitt pick de poo!

Baino said...

Clarebear that's to the tune of Mr Plough!