Wednesday, August 22, 2007

The Dating Game


Today I had lunch with TheBenchwarmer. So named because sometimes he feels he meets women, gives them his best and then they move on to share their new found knowledge and experience with someone else . . . he’s back on the bench.

And I don’t know why because he’s a great guy and a good catch for the right girl. He’s socially active, well travelled, popular. He’s intense, impulsive, romantic a little smothering. Delightful, intelligent, chatty, well read, nice looking, well groomed, cuddly, spontaneous, generous, loyal, independent, financially viable . . . so where’s Mrs Right for my big warm teddy bear? His latest fling (although he’d call it obsessive love) has just come to a sad and sorry end.

It’s hard for single men no matter what their age. Making the first move and maintaining the momentum with women is no mean feat. Rejection is terrifying and a rude rebuttal absolutely soul-crushing and that’s before they meet the family and have their language and manners scrutinised by 'she who must be obeyed'. It’s no wonder so many singles are resorting to chat rooms or speed dating for initial introductions. They’re painless by comparison

Picking up isn’t easy but boys, here’s a hot tip. Just hang off a bar or in a coffee shop, make eye contact, pass a little smile and if she’s interested, let her come over and talk to you. When she does (and she will if you're patient) don’t use cheesey chat lines, show genuine interest and match her mood (don’t giggle when she’s telling you her dog died). This technique works for ClareBear and Queen Bea all the time – both agree their most successful dates are men they’ve actually approached after ‘reading the signs’. You don’t have to embarrass yourself, ask anyone to wiggle with you on the dance floor, buy them expensive drinks. Just sit, look nice, smell nice and smile. Easy peasy. Now let me know your results. Ok so you’ve got that nailed . . .

Keeping it going isn’t that easy either. You have to maintain all the flattery, lavish affection, attention, money and not necessarily asking for anything in return but hope it might come, then – Just when you thought it's all going really well – the best mate moves in or she decides that it’s not quite the relationship she wanted or she’s not ready to get serious or she’s still a little in love with her ex . . .

But once you’ve got a good one, just think about what women want. They want to be happy – just like you but have a different way of showing it. If you learn their language, listen when you’d rather speak, hug instead of just walking away, tell the truth till it hurts, be a man she can depend on and love her like you love yourself. You’ll no longer ask what women want, they’ll be asking you what you want and give it to you. So, you want to know what a woman wants? It’s not difficult all you have to do is to be:

A friend, a companion, a lover, a brother, a father, a sister, a master, a chef, an electrician, a carpenter, a plumber, a carpenter, a mechanic, a decorator, a stylist, a psychologist, a gynecologist, an exterminater, a good listener, an organiser, clean, sympathetic, athletic, warm, humerous, attentive, creative, tender, strong, understanding, tolerant, prudent, ambitious, capable, courageous, dependable, passionate, complementary, up for retail therapy, honest, rich, unstressed, faithful, attentive and remember birthdays and anniversaries.


Making men happier is even easier:


Give him a little ‘alone’ time, don’t nag, provide regular sex, feed him well and let him have the remote control. (Personally I prefer a dog, they don't drink your beer or generate any washing.)

8 comments:

ClareBear said...

I've found that in order to attract scarily full on and long term relationship-loving men is to tell them that you're leaving the country in 5 months and that you're afraid of commitment...works a treat apparently!

Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

Look, you don't honestly think the average bloke can even remember all that, do you?

Grannymar said...

Dear Agony Aunt...

Some list Baino.

AV- who wants an 'average bloke'?

If you are thinking only of your own needs, then the other person is not the one for you.

Baino said...

ClareBear: That would seem to be the case. How many are you stringing along at the moment with that line?
Vanilla: Of course not. They're simple folk. I'll settle for putting out the garbage and carrying the esky.
Grannymar. That's why I'm still single! Had the *almost* perfect bloke . . hard to find another.

b3n said...

'a chef, an electrician, a carpenter, a plumber, a carpenter, a mechanic, a decorator, a stylist, a psychologist'

Y'see that's why monogamy is tough. You can't possibly find all that in ONE man. Women need many men but a man only needs one woman. Believe me, one is enough!

Daz said...

You besmirched Master hief by involving him in a post on dating??

Halo mourns this misuse of its asexual central character.

Baino said...

B3N: We can dream! And you can't live without us.
Daz: I did it for YOU! I love an androgen.

Daz said...

Well if I have to fulfil everything on that list, I think I'll go and find the catalogue for the Russian mail-order brides now ...