Monday, August 20, 2007

Mega Dick

One of my duties as IT Manager (don’t laugh, I have an outsourced expert to do the tricky stuff) is to go through our spam filter in-box each morning and ensure that it hasn’t trapped any legitimate emails and to relegate the nasty ones to the blacklist.

There are a plethora of “I’m lonely tonight, look at my sexy pictures” emails, Cialis and Viagra advertisements, University Degrees without studying, economic opportunities that are just too good to be true - but it’s the penis enlargement ones that really make me laugh. Not for their claims and most certainly not because I’m impressed by a big dick unless he's a tall, tanned, boofy bloke called Richard.

No, what really impresses me is the way they try to ‘target’ the nationality of their audience. The sincere attempt to corner the demographic in various international markets. I’m sure they’re using Babel or something to translate. We end up with this hilarious combination:

For the prim:
Womens always laughed at me and even gentlemans did in the urban WC! Well, now I laugh at them, because I took Megadik for 4 months and now my phallus is excessively best than civil market

For the Americans:
Dames always whizgiggled at me and even youths did in the not private toilet! Well, now I shriek at them, because I took Megadik for 4 months and now my putz is dreadfully longer than national go shopping

Now if I had to write one for the Aussies it would be:

Sheilas used to piss themselves when they saw my poor excuse for a love muscle, even the pooftas in the loos wet themselves laughing. Now I can stick it right up 'em cos I took Megadik for 5 months and me schlongs such a doozie, I have t' strap it t' me inside leg with me bulwhip.

I didn’t realise that so many women were in the habit giggling at their teensy weensy members. I think it would be quite a prank for a hens night bunch to go hanging around the 'gents' poking fun and laughing at at wee willies.

So if the mood takes you, and the opportunity presents itself . . . . have your giggle then remind the poor sods with the diminutive pricks that there is a way to make their phallus "excessively best than civil!"


K8 the Gr8 said...

heh heh... I hope you don't kiss your Elvis poster with that mouth.

Jefferson Davis said...

Lol... I get a couple of those daily. Giggles or Spam? I won't say! :-)

A hilarious post, Baino!

Baino said...

K8: Elvis! I'm not that old! And you're right, time to curb the potty mouth.
JD:I wish it was just a couple, culled 800 this morning!

b3n said...

My girlfriend said she'd marry me if I had a 12" dong.
I said,'I'll cut it down to any size love if you think that it's too long!'
Honestly though If I was to reply to all of the emails that I get from a nice girl called Debbie, I'd have a 20ft schlong.
Dingle, Dangle strap it to your Ankle.

Baino said...

B3N if you can strap it to your ankle, you don't need a bullwhip! And that Debbie . . she aint so nice!

Daz said...

Apparently my breasts need enlarging, and fast.

Baino said...

DAZ: Awww poppet, they'll grow when you reach puberty. Although take it from someone who knows, big boobs are not fun bags.