Monday, August 06, 2007

Utes, Pigs, Pussy and Crocs. . .

For those not au fait with rural Australian pastimes, you may be delighted to know that the annual ‘Pig and Pussy Hunt’ started yesterday. Nope it’s not a weird version of the Bachelor and Spinster’s ball but an annual event to eradicate the top end of feral pests by local hunters and interstate rednecks. In fact one of the largest pigs, affectionately named "Silver Balls" due to the silvery hair on his testicles, and well known to local hunters, has finally been nailed with a Winchester rather than a hunting dog. There will be food on the table tonight as Midnight Oil proclaimed . . .

Just 200 kilometres south of Darwin in the Northern Territory - known colloquially as "The Territory" lies the sleeply hamlet of Pine Creek, wherein you will now find many boofy blokes in blue singlets and slouch hats with shotguns and rifles at the ready, utes loaded up with enough ammo to single-handedly change the destiny of the world and decorated with what are affectionately known as Bull Arab 'pig dogs'. A sort of demonic cross between a Bull Terrier and something that guards the entrance to Hades.

Although for the records, this one is called Adrian! Aint he thweet?



A ‘ute’ for the uninitiated is a peculiarly Australian invention comprising half a car with a tray top. Invented here for the rural folk,originally they have become popular with tradies as well. Country utes are easily distinguished. Instead of nicely painted business names along their shiny flanks, they are usually coated with bull dust, embellished with massive bull bars for clearing kangaroos, tourists, pigs and pussies, off the road. They also usually sport spotlights for night hunting. Why giive the ferals the advantage of daylight when you can blind them before you shoot them. The more spotlights, the more testosterone is coursing through your veins. Also necessary is a plethora of arials to support the CB Radio, Sattelite Phones, Mobile and of course to sustain reception so that we can hear Keith Urban twanging on the radio. You know what they say about the size of a man's arial!

Bumper stickers are also a mandatory addition to the Aussie ute although need not be restricted to bumpers. In fact they can be adhered to the rear window so that you can't see anything behind you . . .eat my dust! They range from tasteful advertisements for car oil and beer to "I love Bundy Rum", "If she's a rockin, don't come knockin" and "I Shoot and I Vote".


We have a saying here:

Boy + ute = man
Man + ute = mighty warrior


Mighty warriors will be hunting feral pigs, feral cats and cane toads, a massive problem in the outback and a shooter’s wet dream. Should you feel so inclined to support our noble mighty warriors in the execution of their massively valuable service, please feel free to create your own badge or bumper sticker, proudly emblazoned with the one phrase that oozes class, charm and finesse:

I hunt pigs and pussies





However, I prefer this method of dispatchying ferals . . . "that'll teach you to eat my eggs . . . "

5 comments:

K8 the Gr8 said...

You people are all nuts.

(Except the croc in the picture. I'm not insulting him. He's very pretty and I don't want to be eaten.)

Brianf said...

The hunt sounds like good fun.
The Utes themselves look like pussy mobiles, if you ask me. Little baby sized jap cars with 9000 lbs. of bumper cages and arials. They all need a mid seventies Ford Bronco with a 4 inch lift kit and 32 inch knobby tires. Then when they add their cow catcher bumper cages and antennas they'll look cool. Anyway the Bronco will carry more dead piggys than those girly sized Subarus. When I had my jeepster I had a bumper sticker than read, I'm the NRA and I vote.

Baino said...

K8 . . no we're not, we learned it from the Americans! And truth be told, I've never seen a croc except that one I fished out of the pool last week.

Brianf: Thank you darls for commenting I thought I'd lost you and how did I know that you'd do it bigger, better, boofier. We're still following your lead! At least our crocs are bigger than yours! (and our piggys apparently 500 kilo monster caught yesterday) Hahahaha . . that's a lot of cajan ribs (oi where's me spoice?)

Jefferson Davis said...

Hmm...If I had a ute, what would I be? :-)

I wanna play! Can I bring my guns? :-)

Seriously, I hear that those darn feral pigs that are not even native to Australia are a real pain in the arse. Shoot a few on my account, just don't expect me to eat them! :-)

Baino said...

Aww hot damn (excuse my French)
JD don't tell me your the huntin' shootin' rootin' poet of the south! You wouldn't want a bleeding' piggy and a smelly Arab Bull in your nice red truck now would ya? Shoot nuthin' but photographs . . leave nuthin but footprints I say.