Saturday, August 25, 2007

What Lies Beneath

Now I want you to dim the lights, get comfortable, play a little 'mood' music cos today, we're detting down and dirty. Yep, we're talking about what lies beneath. Dirty linen, dark secrets . . .we're going into the saucy world of lingerie and underwear.

There seems to be a plethora of underwear ads on tv at the moment. Maybe 'cos the weather's getting steamier here and the gear is coming off. What hit me most besides the fabulously muscled young men posing in Holeproof underdaks is the 'science' behind knickers and bras.
There are men's boxers which are smell resistant, fitted trunks that move with you due to some new elastane technology. Of course we ladies have been aware of 'no knickers' seamless jobs and the push up bra for years. I just had this image of white coated lab rats discussing the next technological improvement to undewear. I know DrummerBoy would like a pair of boxers that keep his ganoolies in one place (judging by the amount of readjustment they seem to suffer). ClareBear would like a bra that gives her cleavage without the padding and I'd like one that keeps them off my knees.

There's now underwear that monitors your heart and edible underwear for cosmonauts so they can 'eat their shorts' in space, there's self-cleaning undies that can go a week without washing and sustainable underwear made from, wait for it, pine clippings!

Calvin Klein and other manufacturers have advanced the science of underwear technology with the use of microfibers for moisture management and cooling. We all know what happens when your bollocks overheat! And one enterprising Masters student has invented underwear with 'intimate controllers' so that she can play electronic games in her undies! Intimate Controllers is a set of sensors embedded in underwear that direct the action on a video game. Rather than sit separately on the couch and jam fingers against small plastic buttons, players touch each other to control the game

Now before you make assumptions that I'm totally perverted (I'm not, the thought just struck me while I was making my second cup of tea), despite the science behind what lies beneath the powers that be still can't invent a pair of knickers that fit so well, you don't have to tweak them every time you stand up! There, I think that's enough said on the subject.


Daz said...

I have a free house this week, so I'll be spending most of my time off work drinking and sitting about in my underwear.

Ah, la dolce vita ...

Baino said...

Now Homer, why are you on my blog and what have you done with Daz?

Homer J. Simpson said...

Woo Hoo!
Underwear made from Pine cones!!
Woo Hoo!

Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

What I wonder is why we bother with the wretched stuff at all. Just think, no more undies, no more tweaking.

Baino said...

Aha! Bra's are the work of the devil but I'm not quite ready to go commando!