Monday, January 14, 2008

Wish I Had a Fwend In Wome!

I arrived at the office to complaints . . . gentle ones because they knew I was 'easing' back in but Sunday night's storm had triggered the UPS which refused to automatically restart as it should and the network was down. So within minutes of parking my handbag I was prostrate on the floor in the server room, pressing little restart buttons to get the server up and running. Staff are happy, they can access their funny emails. There's nothing like a closed network to give the girls the hump!

I then filtered through 935 emails despite having my Outlook "Out of Office" Assistant on while I was away. She had not properly done her job of deterring people from emailing me so I turned her off, sent her packing. Most of them were trying to sell me watches, software, electronics or viagra or asking me to 'call them' because they were alone and had some nice pictures for me to view. Clearly the spam filter is not working again and pictures of Collosseum Otter Nose vendors filled my head. . Things were getting silly.

Then a brief from TheBoss, predictably telling me how he has looked at himself in a 'roomful of mirrors', 'run a couple of things up the flagpole', 'thrown some ideas on the tarmac to see which would stick'. He was waxing lyrical about how exciting 2008 was going to be with new Debt Installment Warrants, Business Succession planning and could I have the bones of a Marketing Plan together by Thursday. I was beside myself with joy and enthusiasm and thought cynically how fortunate I am to work in such a thrilling industry - Debt Installment Warrants - now it doesn't get more exciting than that! Only Margin Lending could top it!

Then I killed my PC. Don't know how, I just restarted it after a lunchtime freeze and it looped between the Windows login and the startup screen. No amount of cajoling, kicking or profanity would bring it back online. I even got prostrate again and unplugged it. All this lying down was making me feel rather holy and sanctimonious. I twiddled all those little coloured plugs in the back and reconnected the power. The day was moving from slightly ridiculous to properly Pythonesque!

So, logged into the server and called the Helldesk to resolve the issue of clients being unable to get into their logins and view their portfolios on the website. After having a hissy fit, making a few phone calls, feigning tears and pleading with the higher ups, I was able to get hold of a real techie and spent about 4 hours talking to a very nice 'Matt' from our Database suppliers who spoke suggestively and seductively of digital signatures and IP Addresses, remote assistance and "GoTo" meetings. He toyed with my desktop before aknowledging that the issue was 'pointing to the wrong IP address'. I asked him not to talk dirty to me but he couldn't help it. He loves his job. I was now feeling like a song and "Always Look on The Bright Side of Life" came to mind. He was very nice, softly spoken and very funny so I liked him even if he didn't solve the problem and will probably flirt outrageously with him again tomorrow unless he can't fix the problem in which case I'll regard him as the rest of the supergeeks . . . not the Messiah, just a very naughty boy!

By 5:30, I hadn't touched anything other than IT issues. Letters remain untranscribed, redemptions unmailed and followups well . . not followed up. I had my tuna and avocado salad at 4.00pm (no need for tea). I did manage to get to Medicare and HCF and complete my medical claims which put $230 in my purse . . very welcome the day before payday! And I managed to get a quick email off to JD who has been feeling a little low lately. So . . first day back . . . panic attack and it's like no water has passed under the bridge!

The Biatch is Back . . there is once again a driver for the 'he said' 'she said' IT bus and hopefully we'll see some ACTION tomorrow. Poor little IT Dude is pleased to see me back. I think he's been thwown to the gwound Centuwian and tweated vewwy wuffly since my departure and is quite pleased to hear the voice of reason, even if it's not telling him what he wants to know. Charmaine is very happy to see me back . . now she doesn't have to put up with the inane interruptions. Good job I'm less flighty now that I've been desexed!


Unknown said...

Must be Monty Python week, yours is the second MP clip I've seen! More, more!

So, she goes away, she comes back and nothing has changed - it is like she was never gone at all!

Welcome to "And this is your life!"
;-) Weddy to go twavveling?

Anonymous said...

Desexed with incontinentia Buttocks, the Lady who likes it wery wuff HHAHHAHHAAA

Anonymous said...

Sorry, I have a kid here laughing his head off at the Python clip ... so how was the air conditioning?

Anonymous said...

"Wish I Had a Fwend In Wome!"

I will lend you mine! ;)

With all the up and downs in the office today you won't need stuff like this:

Anonymous said...

MArketingspeak?? Rock on!!

Here comes the money!

Anonymous said...

Ahhh IP addresses. There's no place like

Anonymous said...

Wow, wish my first day back at work had been as exciting and challenging as that - all I had to do was work out how we could fix the new car parking signs and hope the alarm system wouldn't yet again start screeching furiously for no reason.

Baino said...

AV: absolutely! Same ol, same ol.

Anony: Love that movie. We irreverently used to watch it at Christmas! The humour never seems to get 'old'

GM Thanks, I might make an OH&S poster with some of those suggestions for the office workers! If I lifted my chair and walked about, the wheels would fall off! Literally.

Anonymous: Do I know you?

Jack: Quite so and there I hoped you might have solved my dilemma . .very helpful (Not)

Anonymous said...

It only works when you click the heels of your ruby slippers together.

Baino said...

Jack: har har . . .there's no place like Wome . . .