Thursday, December 20, 2007

C'mon Everybody Get Wrapping

This Christmas' colour theme is quite obviously - red and gold!

Jack McMad has left his run a little late. Now he's faced with the fine art of gift wrapping for Lady McMad and it's causing a conundrum. So, if you don't have your presents yet . . get cracking. Here are some 'hot tips' on wrapping for morons (read men) who traditionally have as much success wrapping gifts as they do finding a matching pair of socks under their very noses. And before you get your grundies in a twist, this is not a sexist statement - it's entirely factual:

  1. Buy jewellery - the jeweller will wrap it for you in a pretty little gift box and we all know what you get when you give a woman jewellery fellas? If you don't, I'm not going to tell you

  2. Buy the gift in a large shopping centre where they offer 'free giftwrapping' at the information counter. Yes, that means you have to do what the rest of us do and drive to the multi level car park, exact road rage on the person who pinches the first space after you've been stalking it's previous inhabitant for half an hour, venture into the mall and actually find a shop that offers a suitable gift. If you spend a set amount within the centre, just present your receipts and two pretty nubile nymphettes will wrap your present for you, smile at you and if you're lucky, provide a glimpse of cleavage from their scanty Santa's Little Helper's wraparound tops.

  3. Buy a gift bag. Make sure it's big enough for your present and has a Christmas theme. Receiving a Christmas gift in a Birthday bag for a five year old (unless you are five) is not cool and it looks like you've recycled which is cheap and tasteless. Whack in the gift, stuff a bit of tisue paper on the top and you're home and hosed.

  4. Buy a voucher/gift card. Any sort of voucher but don't be cheap $10 at the local supermarket is not a Christmas gift. Ramp it up a bit to a $50 or $100 gift voucher for Coles Myer, David Jones or a specialty store where you know she likes to shop. This could be any Jewellery store or Day Spa vouchers for manicures, pedicures, facials and massages. For Pete's sake, don't give her a voucher for Bunnings or the Electronics Boutique unless you know she's a geeky gardener!

  5. Call your mum and ask her to come round in a hurry and wrap it for you but that's lame ass and your significant other will certainly know that the mother in law has had a hand in the wrapping. Plus the mother in law will want to make sure that the significant other KNOWS she had a hand in the wrapping.

  6. The total act of desperation - buy a Christmas card and write "Your Present this year is a weekend in a luxury hotel of your choice and at a time of your choosing". Then she does the hard work and you just flash the credit card when the time comes!

Um just make sure there's no Christmas Beetle crawling on the card when you use it!
This one checked out my number while I was doing some online shopping!


Unknown said...

No, I have to disprove your theory here. I cannot wrap presents to save my life. D on the other hand is a prize gift wrapper. So he gets presents wrapped by me that look like they've been wrapped by a five year old and I get presents beautifully wrapped with creased edges and whatnot. This year, I'm going with No3 on your list - everything's going in gift bags and I've even bought pretty festive tissue paper for the goodies to nestle in. At least I get the themes and details right!

Jefferson Davis said...

Welp, this las is one hell of a wrapper! My Mum made me wrap my own most of the time, along with the rest of the families. :) I am the king of creases, but I admittedly am not that great with colour schemes.

Recently, I had to put up decorations at my job (hell on earth around the holidays)and everyone was astounded that I knew how to make and tie bows properly. :)

All that said, I didn't have time this year to scurry through the malls like a mad man hunting presents for my family. I finally gave up on two of my sisters, and bought them gift cards. Of course, they'll get a gift card and a hand scribed poem. That should be enough, I reckon? :)

Jewelery is an awesome gift. Glittery diamonds are a must, right? :)

The beetle shot is brilliant! Thanks for the info, Baino. :)

Baino said...

Haha AV: They broke the mould when they made you! You can't wrap a present? You compose lovely photographs and can't wrap a present? You can make a berry pavlova but can't wrap a present? You can decorate a death by chocolate cake but can't wrap a present? I'm flabbergasted!

JD: Actually, I'm full of shit when I talk about sparklies and jewellery. I don't wear jewellery other than the odd pair of earrings but I do like Christmas trees and shiny thinks. I'm a bit of a bowerbird, as long as the bower is pretty, I'm happy to remain unadorned. And a hand written poem is a lovely gift!

The Beetles arrive in December, fall in our salad, get stuck in our hair then magically disappear by January and even a Dyson vacuum cleaner won't suck 'em up but they're harmless.

grannymar said...

I know a young lady who drives 126 miles so her mum can do the gift wrapping!

I hope she remembers to come and collect everything. ;)

Anonymous said...

I'm not saying anything about wrapping because of your response to Absolute Vanilla! HAHA!! There seems to be a lot more beetles around this year...

Anonymous said...

Heh heh! Cheers for all that advice Baino, it's a bit late for this year but I'll be bookmarking it for next year and for birthdays, Valentine's day etc.

Terence McDanger said...

I always lean on my sister when it comes to wrapping.

I find it's the irregularly shaped presents that offer the worst wrapping conundrums so sometimes I just get a large cardboard box and wrap it in the nicest paper I can find (nice square box, easy) and then do my shite wrapping on all the bits and bobs inside and then hand it over to herself.

Either that or I dump the whole lot on my sister as I said.

I never buy jewellery though, I always think it's too obvious and shows you didn't sit down and think about what to buy. It seems I'm badly out on that one...

Excellent Adventures said...

I wrapped my boss's entire office and everything in it in bubble wrap yesterday for her birthday! Even the phone, her keyboard, hope she's not planning on doing any work today!

Anonymous said...

Everyones getting gift cards. I'll go get them on Monday. Ha, maybe I'll wait until Monday evening!

Baino said...

GM: I forgot to buy my niece a present and when my sister turned up yesterday for a pressie swap, I had to send her off to buy a gift for her own daughter!

Anon: Don't tell me you don't wrap! And you're 'arty' too! Yep, we've got loads of the little suckers and nothing seems to eat them. They must taste bad!

Jack: You're welcome and very well prepared for a bloke if you've got your wrapping done!

Terrence: We all know you're a metromale and have completed your shopping and wrapping and thrown a pair of new daks in for good measure. Don't discount jewellery, it's an aphrodesiac to many!

Brianf: Lazy fuck! The girl's ones had better not be for Bunnings, Pizza or the gun shop! (Although I did buy one for my niece - she's flying in so didn't want to give her anything too bulky)

Anonymous said...

Howya Boina!

I'm not as "thunk as you drink I am" as I did manage to get the red and gold colour scheme right this year.

All that's needed now is a few presents... Hmmm!

Roll on Crimble!

Unknown said...

since when has jewellery had that effect on women, the last 5 years of my life would disagree with you there baino...

Anonymous said...

Wow! You bought your niece gift cards for pizza and guns!!?!! You impress me more and more every day.

Unknown said...

Well, hey, c'mon, I have to have some weaknesses and failings! ;-) I mean what would we do with me if I was perfect!?! :-))